Dec. 27, 2015 “The Super Hero Emblem Tattoo on my Chest”

      (This was originally a daily topic live stream as part of the 90 day challenge to myself to do 5-7 minute speeches in order to regain the skill of public speaking. I often, daily to be honest, get asked about the tattoo on my chest. I get a lot of comments, especially since having lost over 200 pounds and the tattoo moving down between my breasts. Anything I wear which shows my chest brings immediate attention to this tattoo. 

     However, I choose to not live a life where I cover up this meaningful tattoo which is a constant reminder of what I have been through. Re-reading this speech also brings home yet again the impact of the meaning behind this tattoo. )

Today is Day 82 of 90 daily topics
My name is Bree and I write as Bree N about Life Beyond PTSD while healing from a Traumatic Brain Injury and living with the uncertainty of Multiple Sclerosis.
Today’s Topic is: My SuperHero Emblem Tattoo
I get asked quite often what my tattoo is and I’ve previously done a scope about what it was.The topic for that scope was about RESPECT and what it meant to me as a former woman in uniform. 
To understand what the words in the banner say, which have become illegible due to extreme weight loss, you have to first understand why I chose to get this tattoo.
In 1992 I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis and in 1994 I had a sudden onset landing me in a wheelchair. To get around using forearms crutches was a good day. My youngest child’s childhood was spent in my lap while I was in the wheelchair when we were out in public. 
I had a bit of remission then another relapse. I never had a lesion in my brain, I had spinal cord involved M.S. with the diagnosis called RRMS which means relapsing remitting multiple Sclerosis. 
I was given an opportunity though an infectious disease specialist to be part of a double blind study as I was already on Copaxone injections I was a perfect candidate. After the study was over, finding out I had been given the placebo was frustrating to say the least. However I’d had an extreme reaction to the Copaxone and was taken off of it.  
The doctor and I discussed something new at the time and I chose to commit to a year’s worth or more of treatment with anti viral IV medication. For me it worked miracles. It was slow getting physical again, my body was very weak. I had a dear friend who got me onto her horses, something my doctor was happy about as he called it hippo-therapy. 
A year later of regaining strength I decided I needed something to mark this milestone permanently and chose to create a tattoo as a reminder of how far I’ve come. 
Another friend and I worked together to create something, tossed it out and then I used some of it. 
The horse representing the horses and one horse which saved me, helped me gain strength.
Flying out of the clouds because I was now able to be free of the past and I knew no matter what I would be able to always fly free no matter the situation.
Forgiveness: I had to forgive my body for ‘letting me down” and I had to forgive myself for all the hurt I had caused others.
Courageous, which is at the top of the banner, my personal reminder of the courage I’d found inside to make the decisions to put my health first, myself first in order to heal.
Belief because my Faith, albeit very ‘different’ than most is strong, deep, and very well rounded and often was the only thing I had keeping me out of the dark each day, each night.
Hope because I never gave up hope, even at the worst moments I had hope. In one of my Bibles I have written: Hope is holding your hand out in the dark” and I this is what I did because I had the hope I would survive all of this.
Life is at the Left, the beginning and the end because my life was important, even when I couldn’t see it, I was important to others. 
In the end LIFE is all there is each day, each moment. 
So for today think about this:
What is your personal superhero Emblem? 

What is holding YOU back from creating one for yourself so you can fly free of all constraints?