Personal Journal, December 12, 2016

Personal journal 12-8-2016 Thursday
      Art, writing, and getting ready for an open house at the artist cooperative. It’s on one hand chill and the other is a series of inner manic moments. Perhaps I should say frantic. I needed prints done. These seemed rather easy to get done 4 months ago. But it has not proven to be so simple. Digital work and printing doesn’t go hand in hand like you’d think. In the end it has taken going to 6 print shops to finally find the one who did it right.
      In the midst of all of this I was tagged for #ChildrensCancerAwareness week to create a cartoon character and post it on my Instagram accounts. I chose to find a site which had free coloring books to print off and sketch a character from there as it’s been a very long time since I last watched a cartoon. I’m always down for donating my work toward’s charity and this one is especially dear to my heart.
     Scooby Do was who I was tagged to sketch and I did so using both my left and right hands. The sketchwork went quickly and easily. Yet the coloring bit did not. It’s slow work, my hands get fatigued from it and yet I was determined to get it down. I was planning to use colored pencils until I discovered I’d left them at home. I had to hunt through the community treasure trove of art supplies until I found pastel pencils. Between this and the paper stumps for smudging the colors it seemed to be a fairly good fit.
     As I worked I experienced a lot of memories of this cartoon series. I’d gone to lunch with a dear friend and we talked about Scooby Do. She said she’d always wanted to be super smart like one of the two female characters in the cartoon series. I think I always wanted to have it all, the looks and the smarts. It proved to be quite a discussion and culminated in sharing our thoughts on society’s view of intelligent women. There wasn’t any profound conclusion we came to in our discussion it was just fun, silly and serious all at the same time.
     I’d given a speech earlier this week at Toastmaster’s. It was the first time I’ve spoken publicly about what my CPTSD was based in. There was a small frisson at the beginning as I knew this was ‘it’, this was the first of many times I would speak these words. At the end when the Toastmaster of the meeting usually shakes hands with the speaker he hugged me instead. This group of people are an incredible support, loving, positive and sincere in their evaluations. The hugs I received, the high fives and fist bumps let me know I had not only done a good job with my speech but that I had also touched people’s hearts.
     One of the woman shared that she had cried during my speech and I was reminded by this of my reputation. Whether it be poetry, public speaking it is all rather serious content and touches people in ways which often cause tears to be shed. Something which comes as a surprise to those who only know my art.
     Speaking my truth, sharing it in this way has been so freeing. It is as if the last bit has been broken through so I can now take the deepest of breaths instead of only shallow ones. I look forward to more opportunities to share this speech with others so they can understand I am not the woman I was before I moved to Oklahoma.

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3 thoughts on “Personal Journal, December 12, 2016

  1. Did you sketch the image in the picture. You are creative and a brilliant writer. I like your blog but please visit and read the new ultimate theory of human relativity exclusively on My Theory also give me some feedbacks as I am hungry.
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    Liked by 1 person

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