Day 7 of September, “Year Eight” 

Day 7 of September, “Year Eight”
The Hope Within the Storm Collection

Of the PTSD Poetry Project 2016


Day 18 of 22


“Year Eight”



Hope flares bright

Then gets doused out

Again and again

In a never ending cycle

Of carrots given

Just to keep me moving forward

I try and try

To no avail

All has been taken from me

It’s all an illusion

Meant to look like frosting

On a lovely cake

One which is filled

With nothingness inside

It is as hollow

As I am

Pain continues in the form

Of physical therapy

Meant to get my body strong

Meant to keep scarring from forming

Meant to get me back into

A…’real’ life

What is real anyway?

My marriage is a sham

One fused by the other’s need

To hurt me from afar

To keep me under control from afar

To keep me under his thumb from afar

To keep me from living from afar

I venture out every so often

I look at couples

Walking together

Holding hands

Kissing each other

I feel despair

Instead of jealousy

I am told no one will want me

No one will ever

Take on the burden that I am

No one will ever

Ever

Ever

I am told this until

I believe it

In the heart of my soul

I believe no one will

Ever

Ever

What happened to the audacious me

What happened to the confidence

Which once filled me to overflowing

What happened to me

Began on the one day

The one hour

The one decision

Which caused the pain

From which I now recover

The pain which was cut out of me

Given a chance

Yet my wings have been clipped

In secret I wait

Knowing they will grow

Long flight feathers again

In secret I wait

In secret I do the most intimate

Of exercise

Deemed necessary by the physical therapist

In secret I write it all down

All the progress becomes a code

With a cypher I hide it all away

No one can find it

I have hidden it away

No one can know

What was done to me

No one can save me now

I can only save myself

As I did that day

So long ago now

I did what had to be done

I saved myself

So I could live another day

So I wait in secret

I wait for the one who will

Ever

Ever

For I know this day will come

It will not be

Never never


***


Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s