Day 6 of September, “Year Seven” 

Day 6 of September
The Hope Within The Storm Collection

Of the PTSD Poetry Project 2016



Day 17 of 22


“Year Seven”



I flew so high

My wings burned

The scent of scorched feathers

Filled my nostrils

Until the smoldering

Burst into flame

I fell to the earth

Landing so hard

The ground shuddered beneath my feet

Pain filled me again

It would not end

I thought this was over

I’d healed completely

I’d done all I was supposed to do

I thought this was finally done

Yet it all began again

Sorrow filled me

As surely as pain consumed my body

Pills to end my pain

Pills to wake me up

Pills to put me to sleep

Pills to stop me from throwing up

Shots to end the cycle

All I’d endured seemed for nothing

Not one person

Cared anymore for me

I’d pushed them all away

In the end I had to leave

I drove far far far away

My faithful dog alongside of me

Together we walked each day

As the increments became less

As sweat poured from my body

I feared the pain would begin again

All had become these small moments

Of eat

Of drink

Write it all down

Write the increment

And prepare for the next lesser dose

Walk each day

Walk and avoid the headstone

I’d come to face

Each day I walked closer

Each day I avoided it completely

I saw eyes filled with sorrow

I saw eyes which did not recognize me

Each day I walked closer

Until the day I could avoid it no more

I stood before the headstone

My dog at my side

I thought all the thoughts of you

This girl who’d been so brave

This girl who’d never grow old

This girl who’d planned on leaving this town

This girl who’d been so close to my own

I stood before your headstone

And knew it was time

To say good bye

Yet I couldn’t do it

I wasn’t ready

I walked away

And cried

The next day I walked on by

My dog at my side

I ate

I drank

I marked down the next increment

Until there were no more

It was time to go home

It was time to leave you behind

It was time to not be haunted

By the way your life had ended

For I had not been there at the end

Not had I been there after

It was time to go home

And face all who needed me

In spite of feeling unwanted

It was time to face my life

It was time to finally grieve


***


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