Day 3 of September, “Year Four”

Day 3 of September of the Hope Within The Storm Collection of the PTSD Poetry Project 2016


Day 14 of 22



“Year four”


I am lost

I am so lost

Inside myself

Inside my heart

Inside my soul

It is as if I can see the light far, far ahead

Yet I will never reach it’s light

The autumn comes ‘round again

I simply sit at home

Staring at nothing

While others go out

While others play

While others love

I sit alone

Thinking nothing anymore

I’ve talked to the woman

I was set up to talk to

For weeks on end we talked

I shared

I cried

I let it out

I moved on

The thing I most needed to say

I could not say

Was not allowed to say

Should have said

All about that one day

After you had died

This season comes again

I pretend no more

I am simply just not okay

I have become ice

On the outside

I have become ice

On the inside

I am cold

I feel nothing anymore

Not for myself

Not for anyone

No one even tries to get close

Why would they?

I am made of ice

My smile never makes it to my eyes

My handshake is cold

My face is emotionless

My smiles are merely

A baring of teeth

The leaves are turning

I see them beginning to fall

All the signs are there again

It is time to grieve

It is time to pretend

It is time to avoid

Going to see your headstone

To say all the things

I didn’t get to say

To say all the things

I never will say out loud

Stagnation has set in

I have forgotten

I needed to save myself

I have forgotten

How to become my own superhero

She is lost out there

Somewhere in the light

I can only see far in the distance

Away from me

For I am hidden in the dark

And I continue to grieve

For all I lost

Not the day you died

Nor the day after

But seven days later

When I lost it all

And

I was never the same again


***

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