Day 2 of September, “Year Three” 

Day 2 of September
The Hope Within the Storm Collection

of the PTSD Poetry Project 2016



Day 13 of 22



“Year Three”



We moved into a new house

The second since you died

This one is permanent

The first day I left this new house

I fell down the steps

Bloodying my knee

Tearing my new uniform pants

The second anniversary of your death

Only ten days away

I looked at the coffee spilled all over the driveway

Tears filled my eyes

Will this hollow feeling never go away?

I got up off the ground

It was very early

No one was up

No one to help

I was all alone on the ground

Hurting, bleeding

I changed into new pants

After cleaning up my knee

Then went on to work

As if nothing had happened

Mentioned it to no one

I made it through my day

Until I bumped my knee hard

Causing it to bleed

I hid in the bathroom to clean it up

All my secrets

Trying to come out

Tears filling my eyes again

I popped Tylenol

To knock back my pain

I came out and smiled

While inside I was screaming

I want this to end!!

I want to go home!!

I want to quit pretending

I am okay

I have not been okay since that day

Instead I work

I work more than one job

I add yet another

Part time in

I work and work

And work some more

I am running from myself

I am running

Trying to avoid my grief

It wells up inside me

Waiting to spill over

Like the coffee spilled onto the ground

As I lay there all alone

Bleeding

No one there to help

No one taking notice

Of how hurt I still was

Oh how I was not okay

Oh how I need help

To get through this season

Yet again

The autumn comes

I am still not ready

To face your headstone

To understand

You will never come back to save me

I have to save myself


***

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