Day 1 in September, “Year Two”

Day 1 in September
The Hope Within the Storm Collection of the PTSD Poetry Project 2016

Day 12 of 22


“Year Two”



My hair is thinning

I have gotten too low

For far too long

Blood work says something is wrong

Yet no one will take action

In clothing I look ‘great”

I look “hot”

Family sees the truth

Says the truth

You look sick

You have taken it too far

The mirror shows me bones beneath my skin

I’d never thought to see

I am still holding my breath

Through all the firsts

First Christmas

First New Year’s Eve

First Thanksgiving

Where I got a hug

Thinking it was one of compassion

Yet was told instead

I do not like you at all

Whispered hard into my ear

My tears streaked down my face

The last time all the way home

This is now the second year

I will now hold myself apart

I choose a schedule requiring me to leave

To go to work

Much to everyone’s dismay

I’ve had hair added into my own

To mask the truth

Of the loss of my hair

I am seen as self involved

I am seen as arrogant

I am seen as unfeeling

I am hollow inside

I still hold my breath

Thinking you will text me

The days go on

I have gotten a new number

One you have never called

One you will never text

My days are hollow

Coffee fills me up with warmth

I do not feel

I have become cold

I have become aloof

I go through my days

I pretend to be okay

Until I get home

Until I am in the tub

The tears will flow

Until I wake in the night

Tears will fall

Sobs hidden by the pillows on my bed

It is now the second year

You have been gone

I am wasting away

I want to die

I want to disappear

Into the abyss

I wake

I make coffee

I put on my face

I pretend to the world

To be okay.

Perhaps this third year

Will bring a change

Perhaps

Perhaps

Perhaps


***

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