Day 30 of 31 Days in August, “I Can’t Do This”

Day 10 of 22, “I Can’t Do This”Day 30 of 31 Days in August,

The Final Hours Collection of the PTSD Poetry Project




Day 10 of 22


The upcoming month of September is National Suicide Awareness Month http://www.nami.org/Get-Involved/Awareness-Events/Suicide-Prevention-Awareness-Month




     The significance of 22 is the average number of veterans who die by suicide each day.




      Please visit Honor Courage Commitment, inc’s page https://www.22kill.com/team-22kill/ to learn about the mission and how they are bringing awareness by using the hashtag #22kill and their 22 push-up challenge.






***This Collection’s poems’s subject is suicide and can be triggering to read. Please practice CAUTION BEFORE READING***




“I Can’t Do This”




Curled in upon myself


Sobs rocked me


Tears spilled over


Running down my face


I can’t do this


I can’t do this


A text reminded me


A friend would pick me up


I needed to get dressed


I needed to get ready


I needed to stop crying


Sobs shaking me


I made coffee


I showered the tears away


I picked out a long black dress


I would never wear again


I must look pretty today


It was what he would have wanted


I can’t do this


I can’t do this


I can’t say good bye like this


The woman friend picked me up


She made mindless conversation


I sat quietly trying not to think


The scenes inside my head


Would not go away


Of helping to make a decision


Of open or closed casket


Of a body appearing to sit up


As if it had all been a big joke


The scream of his family member


Who turned and threw herself into my arms


The sobs which came out of her


Deep and full of endless grief


I can’t do this


I can’t do this


How can I say good bye


We drove to the other side of town


The huge church filled to overflowing


I hugged his children


Although mine had chosen not to come


I was made to sit with family


Although none had ever


Tendered friendliness


Before this day


This terrible day


Of his life’s completion


I can’t do this


I can’t do this


I want to go home


A church full of people


A church full of grieving people


A church with lines of those


Who had come to say good bye


So public was this


This time to say good bye


To be unable to say


What I wanted to say


Even during this day


To know something had been coming


To be powerless to make it stop


For he had long decided


What day, what time


Was to be his final hour


I can’t do this


I can’t do this


I can’t let you go


Not today


Maybe in the future


But not today


A dozen years later


You have been forgotten


Your life passed


Given notice


Your life passed


And now you are gone.




***

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