Day 17 of 31 Days in August “The Fair Weather Friends”

Day 17 of 31 Days in August
The Chronic Illness Collection of the PTSD Poetry Project 2016


**Support the National Multiple Sclerosis Society TODAY, not next week or maybe tomorrow**


“The Fair Weather Friends”


Happy happy to see you!

You look so great!

I was so worried about you

They whisper so others will not hear

I smile on the outside

Inside I say ..

‘You should have been worried,

You should have shown up,

You should have called

You should not..

Have disappeared’

Where were you?

It began so simply

I stumbled and fell down over and over

I stumbled, lurched into doorways

Items dropped from my hands

I stuttered and wondered why

Where were you when this happened?

We walked together

I stumbled into you

Your face became stone

The third time it happened

Then my calls went unanswered

Until finally I never called again

I sat in the dark of the night

When I could not sleep

Tears streaking down my face

As I questioned the unanswerable

What is happening to me

What did I do to ‘deserve’ this?

Why can’t I walk a straight line?

Years passed

Diagnosis happened

Life went on in ups and downs

Mimicking so many other conditions

The worse happened

Where were you?

The best happened

Where were you?

The in betweens happened

Where were you?

The weather blew me over

Tumbled me until I could not stand anymore

I crawled through the mud

Alone I crawled

Until I struggled to stand

Alone I stumbled until I walked strong

I have no more time

For fair weather friends

I only have time for those

Who hold me up when I fall down

And in the end

I say to fair weather friends

I only have time for me


***

August 17, 2016

Personal journal

      Friends turn away when problems happen and cause them to feel all uncomfortable. You stumble, stutter, have trouble communicating and friends will find reasons to not keep in touch. It obvious you’re not ‘okay’ and instead of stepping up the friendship they will fade away until it’s years since you last communicated. They often decide you’ve ‘starting drinking’ and tell this to many and all who know you.

       Until they day they meet you again and you are in a remission period. Then they are so happy “you’re doing so well! Let’s have lunch tomorrow! So and so was just asking about you we should all get together this weekend! You look so great!” I find myself withdrawing instead of embracing the renewed attention. Where were they when it was the hard times? I know not everyone can handle those hard times but to shun because of illness and to whisper and imply it’s a ‘mental issue’ or ‘you know she started drinking every day’ is demeaning.

       I know a lot of people out there who live with M.S. have this happen and it’s hurtful. I don’t care who you are but kicking a person who is already down says more about YOU than it ever could about me. I’ve heard people at the oncology center (where I’m being treated for long term malnutrition issues) talk about this same phenomena. The overall agreement is those are the ‘fair weather’ friends who only want sunny skies all the time. They only want the happy and the skipping you. When it’s the throwing up you, the hair falling out you, and the falling down you from exhaustion they are not interested in being friends.

       Well, I’m not interested in being friends with those types of fair weather friends either.

      For all my fellow MSers out there I see you and I’ve been in the wheelchair and out. I’ve been in the forearm crutches and out sometimes all in the same month confusing all who have no clue. I know my ‘good’ times are limited and I push myself to see how far I will go. Maybe this is simply a small bumpy time or maybe it’s heading permanently downward I never know. Part of me doesn’t care anymore. M.S. is a part of me, always will be but it is NOT who I am.

      Hang on to those who are the stalwart friends who see it through no matter what. The ones who are patient and try to cheer you up even when you don’t want to be cheered. Hang on to those who will listen to you cry, complain and then be there when it’s a good day to dance in joy with you.

      You are blessed beyond belief if you even have one friend who is this person and multi-blessed if you have more than one or many. Not everyone has those and so many go through their M.S. ups and downs with no one or are told to “quit being so selfish and just get up and do what you have to do!” M.S. Is NOT a mental illness and you certainly cannot overcome it by choosing to ‘think better’.

     Please, please do this today! Google the term Multiple Sclerosis so YOU know what it is because it is NOT what you think it is.

                                              It never goes away and there is NO cure.

Give to the National Multiple Sclerosis Society today and help those who support those of us who live with Multiple Sclerosis.

 http://www.nationalmssociety.org

 Twitter: @mssociety and many many more just search NMSS on Twitter, or Google to find support in your state.

 

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