Day 7 of 31 Days in August, “Into My Zone of Creation”

Day 7 of 31 Days in August
The Chronic Illness Collection of the PTSD Poetry Project


“Into My Zone of Creation”


I hear your call

As if from a distance

I used to know you

Love you

Need you

Like I needed to breathe

I’ve pushed myself

To get through the fog

Until it became mist

Pushed until it cleared

There you were

Waiting for me

To consume me

And I welcome you

Into my spirit

Into my soul

I have fallen so hard

For this zone of creation

A love so deep

A love so wide

I never want to leave

My prayer each day

Is to not let me forget

Let me stay here forever

I want to grow in this zone

May it never leave me

This part of myself

Allows me to express

What I cannot say out loud

What is so deeply hidden

All the moments I see

That no one else does

The story which escapes most

I have fallen in love

With this part of myself again

She and I embrace each other

Like the oldest of friends

With love and appreciation

For how much we’ve grown

My zone of creation

Is a door opened

Blown off the hinges

***



August 7, 2016

Personal journal

     This past Thursday I’d pushed beyond any comfort zone of being in groups and went to a figure drawing group that meets. It’d been since my 20’s since I have gotten to draw live models (I’m 54). Comfort zone be damned! I walked up and down the block in the heat, drank a soda and kept telling myself I could do this. When the sketching of the model started, my iPad had a bit of glitch, perhaps more due to my nervousness than anything else. It took a bit but I got into my zone.

      I’d started out with ‘old school’ intentions for my sketching and I have a few which reflect this. But as I approached my zone where I lose time and get lost in my art, I began creating the way I do now. I traded off as one hand tired, normally my right hand. I pushed myself and when the group was over I found I was not done with the ‘zone’. I left and went to the studio to work on the pieces until I found one which sparked the most creativity.

      Saturday when I was back at the studio for most of the day I got all my other ‘work’ done so I could focus on the art. I had a few pieces from that night which sparked a need to create a story about the moment. This only comes from working on a piece, layering in the color until the ‘story’ emerges for me. This is when the zone happens. It is as if the movement of the digital pencil is stroking real skin, encouraging it to emerge from the screen. This is the moment I have fallen so deeply in love with.

     I will continue to push myself in the arena of interacting with strangers. Some are those I used to know so this is disconcerting as I have no memory of them. No reference points inside my mind like I used to. In spite of brain healing there are some areas which simply will not reconnect and this is ok now. It used to distress me. A lot. Now though I have reached the point in my grieving stages of acceptance. Perhaps it will reconnect, perhaps it will not. It doesn’t matter as all there is? Is today, this moment.

      For me, I will dig until I reach the moments I get lost in, this rediscovery of creating.

 

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