Day 3 of 31 Days in August, “Wild & Free”

Day 3 of 31 Days in August
The Chronic Illness Collection of the PTSD Poetry Project


“Wild & Free”


My creativity knows no boundaries

The love it held?

Set free!

Creation from this place inside my head

Which never thought to see the light of day

Images abound and come to life

Goals have been met

Happiness and joy like no other

Pushing my inner fences

Until they disintegrated in my hands

Now I enter the land

Of the wild and the free

To run at will

To create

To push myself harder

I welcome more goals

My slow and steady plan

Has won again and again

Pushed until I had to sleep

Hours on end

Pushed until every movement hurt my body

Hours on end

Tears streaking down my face

Pushed so slow, so steady

Until I met the first goal

Then the next one

And the next

And the next

And the next!

To always have a plan in hand

My personal road map of where I wanted to go

Has become an exhilarating journey

Today is the first step further along the path

One where I continue

To embrace myself

I twirl in the light of the sun and the moon

I am finally

The wild me

The free me

I was always meant to be

***


August 3, 2016

Personal journal

      Goals met. I never thought I’d get to this particular goal and yet I did. I’ve fallen so deeply in love with my art, with creating and its joy knows no boundaries. I’d had a goal set into place. Well, once I decided upon one. But also after I’d made the decision to work on what is inside of me. I wanted to bring to life all the images I’d see inside my head and push them further. The digital work has done this and brought back this love I’d never thought to find again.

      I embrace it in its entirety and by embracing this creativity I’ve crossed that last fence into the wild unknown of myself. Each breath pulls in more of this creativity until I cannot wait to push further simply to see how high, how far I can go. The last few days have been a struggle with knowing I was so close to this goal. I wanted to push hard and just be done with it! But I also knew it was still the ‘slow and steady wins the day’ journey. It took the time it took and this meant it was exactly on time. At 5am this morning I met my goal.

      I’ve got over 40 pieces and 15 are completely finished, signed, dated and sigil and hand signature signed. I wanted this amount to be ready to print, to sell by the time I’d acquired an artist space to create in. Six months ago this goal seemed so far fetched and out of reach. I sincerely thought I must be having a ‘senior moment’.

      Slow and steady wins the day.

      This had been and continues to be my credo to live by. Slow, steady work even when I most did not want to is what got me to this moment. Pushing my brain each day and sometimes sleeping for hours on end only to wake in the middle of the night. The brain exhaustion was the worst, even worse than the physical exhaustion. I’d push my body on the slow, steady schedule until it cried out “enough!” from the physical pain of pushing. Then I’d be forced to rest, rest and repeat the pattern until I could get over the hump.

      Meeting this particular goal is exhilarating and deeply satisfying. To further push myself I’d begun, three months ago, speaking in public again via poetry readings. This particular goal held a deep terror inside of my mind. Yet, due to the injury, the fear of actually speaking in public was gone. I could embrace what I was reading and just be in the moment. Those moments were the culmination of the nine months hard work of writing to get there.

      This poetry goal, to have a project, is amazing to me and as I approach the 100 days mark I feel some sort of shock inside. Perhaps it’s true. The best in life happens when you decided to shock yourself and see what you are capable of.

      Here’s to seeing what is next and to completing more goals in the coming months.

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