Day 26 of 31 Days in July
The TBI Collection of the PTSD Poetry Project
Ability to learn
This had left me
The day everything changed
I would try
To no avail
Focus! You can do it!
Hold on to it!
It’s getting away!
As I fought to hold on
It simply slipped into the abyss
Reading to learn
This was also gone
I knew the words
Read the words
But to remember the words?
This had left too
Familiarity became my forte
Dig deep to find all I’d already learned
Push to hang on to these things
Sometimes the effort took it’s toll
I’d sleep all afternoon
Due to my brain’s exhaustion
I tried so hard to hold on to it all
I would wake up
Discover it had all slipped away
Oh so recently this changed
Something created a new connection
Memory is rolling back into my existence
Learning is now an exciting possibility
Reading could again be part of who I am
Possibility has risen to the surface
And taken a deep breath of air
I look forward to meeting her
This part of me called possibility
July 26, 2016
I’d thought the ability to learn new things was gone. Really gone and had been, for the longest time, focusing on all the things I already knew. This last brain surge of healing though has changed everything.
Staying with the familiar has been the easiest of activities for me. I could dig deep to discover all that I’d known, things I’d already learned and try to hang on to this information. But I chose to acquire something totally out of my realm and to attempt to learn something new. Then the most unexpected thing happened.
I learned something new very quickly.
It’s with excitement this door has been opened. Possibility now enters my existence in a way it really hadn’t before. To learn something totally out of my realm means I could push my mind again. I’ve not even read a book in the longest time. This is because I really wasn’t able to retain the information or the story. This is ironic as I’m writing a book with a plot, plot twist, characters to keep track of. But there was a point I kind of abandoned them too. It was the attitude of “why am I even bothering with this!” And the realization I was having trouble keeping track of all that I needed to after a certain point while writing.
Reading, now this is something which has always been part of my life. It was a joy, an escape like no other. Ever since third grade, the earliest I can recall reading for fun, books have been an integral part of who I am. Read to escape. Read to learn new things. Read for classes. Read for work. Read, read, read.
I signed up for the adult version of the summer reading program last year. I did so well with my reading and listening to audio books I won a prize. This year I signed up, got one book, didn’t finish it. Today I realize maybe, just maybe I could read and remember what I’d read. This seems like it should be simple. I’ve even been told “I’m sure you learn things all the time.” No one really understood my reality.
I’d lost the ability to learn and retain information.
So I’m curious. Will I be able to learn, retain new information. My eidetic memory is flexing itself in huge ways so will this ability work hand in hand with it? I can only try it out and see.
So I bought something new I was unfamiliar with and learned how to use it. Some would say this is frivolous. I would say this is astounding and exciting. I look forward to flexing this new ‘muscle’ of mine to see how far I can go with it. There are endless possibilities now and I can look forward to these next months with excitement.