Day 25 of 31 Days in July, “The Pressure to Conform”

Day 25 of 31 Days in July
The TBI Collection of the PTSD Poetry Project

“The Pressure to Conform”


Do this!

Do that!

No no you need to be doing this!

No I don’t

My goals take priority

No no change back! Change back!

I will never change back

At my core is a strong woman

I will fish for my own food

I will fight my own fights

I will stand on my own two feet.

My own orbit allows me to thrive

Rediscovering the core of me

Has allowed growth and healing

It has allowed me to rediscover what it is

To love again

Wondrous moments of remembrance

Within the times of knowing all can change

All it takes is a mere instant

Love while you can

Love right now

Love and be unafraid

Love will always be the best gift to share

Love can be forgotten

Wiped away

As if it never existed in the first place

Getting to the core of me

Pulling myself back into my own orbit

I’ll never regret choosing me

It was always where I was meant to be

***




July 25, 2016

Personal journal

      Pressures surround me and wake me in the night. Do this, do that, you need to be doing this! No, I need to focus on my next set of goals and let nothing pull me out of my own orbit. This past year has been one full of change, growth and most of all amazing, incredible levels of healing. When I think about where I was a year ago? It astounds me to think about what I’ve done to get to the goal date this month. The healing alone has been an arduous journey filled with wondrous moments I thought would never happen.

      I’ve discovered along the way there will always be people who want me to ‘change back! We liked you better when you…(fill in the blank)” Plus there will always be those who simply want to pull me out of my own orbit because of whatever reason it is they have. The core of me is a strong woman who wants to stand on her own two feet, fish for her own food, fight her own fights. To have allowed the few into my life who know my day to day struggles has been a challenge to say the least.

      Allowing others into my life has always been a risk. If anyone got too close I would cut them out of my life. Then this brain injury changed everything. No one was able to get close and if they did? All it took was a mere three days of no interaction and I’d forgotten the connection. Sad really as no one really understands the importance of staying connected each day. This is something which should never be taken for granted.

      If I were to write a love song, or the lyrics for one, I would put this message in there. You never know if you have tomorrow. You never know if you have later in the day to get back to someone. Everything can change in a mere instant. Give in the moment all you have to give which is endless it is not finite.

      I have never regretted sharing love with those who are family, close friends. Days can go by and I think “I wonder how they are doing?” Perhaps I need to quit allowing those days to pass. A lot can happen in three days time and sometimes what happens is the memory of them is forgotten.

 

 

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