Day 23 of 31 Days in July, “The Healing Surge”

Day 23 of 31 Days in July
The TBI collection of the PTSD Poetry Project

“The Healing Surge”


A flash of light

It was so bright

I was blinded for a moment

Then a wave engulfed me

Nearly drowning me

I choked on fear

I choked on terror

I choked and was overcome

I felt I was going to die again

The wave pulled back a bit

I saw this was temporary

I had only been overcome

By what I had forgotten

A time of terror,

A time of fear

A time of nearly dying

This surge of healing

Has been like no other

These memories did not hold joy

These memories are part of who I am

So who am I to deny their existence

So I chose instead

To face the light

To be blinded by it

Until I began to see once again

My life is worth living

My life is worth embracing

It is the most exciting of journeys

This one bringing me back to myself

I continue to embrace this journey

And smile into the blinding light


***


July 23, 2016

Personal journal

     Today I woke up from a deeply restful sleep. Sleep had been eluding me for well over a week and a half. It had been only fitful sleeping, not restful at all. It had started with one night I fell asleep after a raging brain surge of healing and woke up the next morning lost in feelings from the past. The past 5 days have been a struggle to get back on track, wade through the memories and begin to take back control of my journey. 

      Healing surges are wonderful and terrible all at the same time. They usually bring back more of my eidetic memory but they also bring back memories of blocks of time which were gone. These are not always happy memories. When this wave occurs it’s like being back in those moments again, feeling it as if it is real and hurting again as if it were real.

      This has not been a wonderful point in time.

      Working through it has not been the most fun in my life either. Yet, like anything else in life it passes. The surge has settled down and life begins to move ahead as it all processes. I know it’s all simply memories to remind me of where I have been, how far I’ve come. There are still blocks missing and now I know they are only gone for the moment. They will return someday.

      Perhaps I’ll have a better ‘plan’ in place for when this next happens.

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