Day 10 of 31 Days in July
The TBI Collection from the PTSD Poetry Project
Daily poetry and Personal Journal Entry
“Soaring in the Sky”
Sparks fly from my fingers
Possibilities winging through my mind
For mere moments
I hold onto the sparks I see
Before I let them go
Everything is lit up inside of me
It has been waiting impatiently
To be grabbed
To be pulled into the light of day
Creativity jostling away inside my mind
Pushing forward in a wave
One which cannot be held back
The power of it is invigorating
The power of its joy fills me
Each breath fills me with fire
Surprising others with the sparks
They didn’t see them coming
Or so they say
Some things should not see the light of day
Or so they say
But I am consumed
By the light
By the shadow
By the colors
And this time I will not be tamed
I am soaring once again in the sky
The earth calls me
I touch down
Take off again
The sky waited until I was ready
Then it called my name
And this time?
I will only touch down briefly
Then soar once again in joy
July 10, 2016
Personal Journal Entry
My art is consuming me creatively and personally. Everything I see is sparking inside my head with the possibilities. I see the light shine across a face and there is a memory of sorts created. One I can pull out later to create in a different way. It is as if everything hidden inside my mind is surging forth in this concentrated series of moments. Pushing, jostling to be seen and not hidden away in the corners of the mind unnoticed. They’ve always been there and yet they were just out of reach.
I could see this creativity waiting to be grabbed. It was hidden in the fog read to brought out into the light of day. Some would say my art seems to have come out of nowhere but I’d said this is only because it is new to you. It is NOT new at all. I’ve always drawn, sketched, painted. I’ve taken all the college classes towards a degree in art. Drawing, sketching, painting, perspective, marketing, art history, sculpture, and figures of course. It’s been the part of the me everyone simply patted on the head and said that’s really nice, keep trying. There was always a rage behind my art, a controlled temper and now it’s set free.
Part of my art is working out the images inside my mind, the ones I most struggle with to understand. See, even in the midst of horrible tragedy there are moments of beauty, of kindness and of tenderness. The world is not black and white like we think. There are millions upon millions of grey shades, color hues, tints and shadowed bits too.
Maybe it’s a possibility I have finally owned who I am, what age I am, and the reality of my day to day life. I am me, with a twist. What could be better than that? Not a damned thing.
Healing is a journey which really never ends. We are healed or we are not healed has no place in the journey of PTSD or Traumatic Brain Injury. It’s an ongoing process. Some healing happens and no one notices until it affects them. These are the times we all hear how it seems to be out of ‘character’ to be doing this or that or worse “it just seems so sudden”.
This is when healing become difficult. It’s the attitude of others who have become used to the down side of our PTSD and when we begin to heal? Wait, I wasn’t ready for you to get well! Change back, I don’t like this change I am uncomfortable with this change in you. Changes which had been happening all along until one day they woke up and noticed.
See, brain injuries heal. They are injuries and injuries heal. Slowly, surely like a lot of whispers they become louder until they cannot be ignored anymore. Healing happens.
So what’s wrong with healing?
Not a damned thing. Perhaps it merely means I have begun to soar in the sky again unheeded. This is NOT a bad thing. Maybe, just maybe it is a wonder to behold.