Day 10 of 31 Days in July, “Soaring in the Sky” 

Day 10 of 31 Days in July
The TBI Collection from the PTSD Poetry Project

Daily poetry and Personal Journal Entry

“Soaring in the Sky”

Sparks fly from my fingers

Possibilities winging through my mind

For mere moments

I hold onto the sparks I see

Before I let them go

Everything is lit up inside of me

It has been waiting impatiently

To be grabbed

To be pulled into the light of day

Creativity jostling away inside my mind

Pushing forward in a wave

One which cannot be held back

The power of it is invigorating

The power of its joy fills me

Each breath fills me with fire

Surprising others with the sparks

They didn’t see them coming

Or so they say

Some things should not see the light of day

Or so they say

But I am consumed

By the light

By the shadow

By the colors

And this time I will not be tamed

I am soaring once again in the sky

The earth calls me

I touch down

Take off again

The sky waited until I was ready

Then it called my name

And this time?

I will only touch down briefly

Then soar once again in joy

***

July 10, 2016 

Personal Journal Entry

       My art is consuming me creatively and personally. Everything I see is sparking inside my head with the possibilities. I see the light shine across a face and there is a memory of sorts created. One I can pull out later to create in a different way. It is as if everything hidden inside my mind is surging forth in this concentrated series of moments. Pushing, jostling to be seen and not hidden away in the corners of the mind unnoticed. They’ve always been there and yet they were just out of reach.

        I could see this creativity waiting to be grabbed. It was hidden in the fog read to brought out into the light of day. Some would say my art seems to have come out of nowhere but I’d said this is only because it is new to you. It is NOT new at all. I’ve always drawn, sketched, painted. I’ve taken all the college classes towards a degree in art. Drawing, sketching, painting, perspective, marketing, art history, sculpture, and figures of course. It’s been the part of the me everyone simply patted on the head and said that’s really nice, keep trying. There was always a rage behind my art, a controlled temper and now it’s set free.

        Part of my art is working out the images inside my mind, the ones I most struggle with to understand. See, even in the midst of horrible tragedy there are moments of beauty, of kindness and of tenderness. The world is not black and white like we think. There are millions upon millions of grey shades, color hues, tints and shadowed bits too.

       Maybe it’s a possibility I have finally owned who I am, what age I am, and the reality of my day to day life. I am me, with a twist. What could be better than that? Not a damned thing.

       Healing is a journey which really never ends. We are healed or we are not healed has no place in the journey of PTSD or Traumatic Brain Injury. It’s an ongoing process. Some healing happens and no one notices until it affects them. These are the times we all hear how it seems to be out of ‘character’ to be doing this or that or worse “it just seems so sudden”.

       This is when healing become difficult. It’s the attitude of others who have become used to the down side of our PTSD and when we begin to heal? Wait, I wasn’t ready for you to get well! Change back, I don’t like this change I am uncomfortable with this change in you. Changes which had been happening all along until one day they woke up and noticed.

      See, brain injuries heal. They are injuries and injuries heal. Slowly, surely like a lot of whispers they become louder until they cannot be ignored anymore. Healing happens.

       So what’s wrong with healing?

      Not a damned thing. Perhaps it merely means I have begun to soar in the sky again unheeded. This is NOT a bad thing. Maybe, just maybe it is a wonder to behold.

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