Day 18 of 30 Days in June, PTSD Poetry Project
Poetry created from public, private blog posts and personal journals. Over a decade’s worth of life with PTSD, Traumatic Brain Injury and (since 1992) a life lived with Multiple Sclerosis
“Searching The Flash Cards of My Past”
One big step forward
I’m looking carefully around my feet
Each direction before moving on
I want to rush
I want to scream
But protocol dictates I move slowly
No matter how small
It must not be missed
My search to rediscover my past, my Faith
Is one small step at a time
Looking in each direction
Miss nothing before moving on
I dig deep
Read my words
Ones written over a decade
Trying to understand who I was
Who I still am
They are flash cards of my past, my life
Some detailed, some not
Large gaps cause me to wonder
Had I been happy?
Had I been sad?
Had I been too busy?
Or had I simply given up?
Reading some words scare me
Others make me cry at who I had been
Still more cause a desire to know
This woman I used to be
So I take another big step
Stop, look around
Using these flash cards of my past
To better understand
The woman I am today
(By Bree N. on February 14, 2014 to USFRA.org)
“Faith,do we let go or search deeper?”
Search. Search for Faith. Like search and rescue. One step and search surroundings, move another slow big step. You want to run. Forward screaming yet can’t. You have to stick to the protocol so nothing is missed, no matter how small.
Journaling a time line of a decade long has been eye opening, scary, and terrifying. At other times very useful. Flash cards of life…it’s what it comes down to. The organization of the good,the bad, and the horrible.