Day 18 of 30 Days in June, “Searching the Flash Cards of My Past”

Day 18 of 30 Days in June, PTSD Poetry Project

Poetry created from public, private blog posts and personal journals. Over a decade’s worth of life with PTSD, Traumatic Brain Injury and (since 1992) a life lived with Multiple Sclerosis 


“Searching The Flash Cards of My Past”

One big step forward

Stop

I’m looking carefully around my feet

Each direction before moving on

I want to rush

I want to scream

But protocol dictates I move slowly

Miss nothing

No matter how small

It must not be missed

My search to rediscover my past, my Faith

Is one small step at a time

Looking in each direction

Miss nothing before moving on

I dig deep

Read my words

Ones written over a decade

Trying to understand who I was

Who I still am

They are flash cards of my past, my life

Some detailed, some not

Large gaps cause me to wonder

What happened?

Had I been happy?

Had I been sad?

Had I been too busy?

Or had I simply given up?

Reading some words scare me

Others make me cry at who I had been

Still more cause a desire to know

This woman I used to be

So I take another big step

Stop, look around

Search carefully

Using these flash cards of my past 

To better understand
The woman I am today 

********

(By Bree N. on February 14, 2014 to USFRA.org)


“Faith,do we let go or search deeper?”

Search. Search for Faith. Like search and rescue. One step and search surroundings, move another slow big step. You want to run. Forward screaming yet can’t. You have to stick to the protocol so nothing is missed, no matter how small.

Journaling a time line of a decade long has been eye opening, scary, and terrifying. At other times very useful. Flash cards of life…it’s what it comes down to. The organization of the good,the bad, and the horrible.

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