Day 16 of 30 Days in June for PTSD Awareness
PTSD Poetry Project, Poetry created from blog posts and personal journals
“Surviving the Unmentionable & Exacting Revenge”
It is an empty act
Revenge is not what others believe it to be
What they call revenge
Was done to survive
They are dead
It is over
It does not make me whole
It does not repair the damage
It does not cause me joy
I am empty
My head is full of static nothingness
My body had filled in horrors with scars
Unseen on the outside
But I am not fine
I was told
I was unrepairable
Until the day of..
Extensive scars removed
I lay in bed crying after
Physical therapy of the worst kind
My body desperately attempting to fill healing with scars
Me, my body entangled in a continuing fight
Yet I am not broken
Told I was unrepairable
This was a lie
I did what I had to do to survive
Personal Journal June 19, 2010
(Excerpt)written about surviving the unmentionable and later told it was ‘an act of revenge’
I’ve thought more and more of this “key” idea of exacting revenge.
In the end, revenge is empty. You kill them? That’s as good as it gets. Once they are dead. It’s over.
At the moment when I got away and there was so much blood, on the floor, on my hands, on my arms, and my naked body…I felt nothing except “static” inside my head. Empty. They were dead—it was over—revenge exacted.
I live still with the inner damage. All scarring removed possible. I work hard each day with my physical therapist to strengthen the inner muscles….and it’s all to keep the scarring from reforming.
I’m broken inside, broken, but repairable. Right? That’s how it should be at least…continue to be repairable.
I think this is finally my goal. To be repairable and not keep thinking I’m broken beyond repair. Good goal to have I think.