Day 14 of 30 Days in June, “The Tingling Feeling of Hope”

Day 14 of 30 Days In June, PTSD Poetry Project

 “The Tingling Feeling of Hope”

One statement is all it took

Hope flared in spite of holding it back so hard,

Feelings rush in overwhelming me

I can’t breathe

I can’t breathe

Tears sting my eyes

Hope is a wobbly path at best

It lifts me so high

Then dashes me to the ground

Again and again

It does this

Hope breaking into pieces too numerous to count

Numbers, so small yet hold infinite hope

Tents, mere tenths of a whole

Do they make ME whole?

Who would think it would come down to this

A mere tenth of a whole

My hope hanging on by a teeny nearly insignificant number

Hope had not been in my existence until today

Today hope became a fulfilling whole


***********

Published September 4, 2013

to private journal AfterAlright.wordpress

“The Tingling Feeling of Hope”

     It starts with the statement “this week we’ll do no IV and test next week”. After 12 weeks of once a week’s endurance it’s a shock to hear. Feelings rush in overwhelming me to the point I can’t breathe without a tightness in my chest. Can this be ‘hope’? I ask myself, then the tears sting my eyes. Hope. A very wobbly path to walk. Hope can lift me so high then dash me down into pieces so numerous they cannot be repaired.

     Teeny numbers, mere points making a difference. It somehow doesn’t seem right that hope comes down to these teeny tiny itty bitty numbers. Tenths of a whole. Do they make me whole? Do they create normalcy in my body? If the tenths of the whole remain in the “normal range” will it mean a full return to good health? Mere points. Who would think they could become such an important, life changing goal?

     Hope had been an unknown in my existence until today.

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