My feet find the ground as I run. Trust is the toughest one for me. Trust my feet will find the ground. Trust I am safe each day. Trust I will remember what I am supposed to and trust I will not forget to pay the bills. I try to breathe in the air around me, my chest constricting a bit with the effort. All those scars inside my lungs hold me back from being as fast as I want to be. I slow to a fast walk and it’s beginning to mist. I need to get home soon.
At least I now remember where I live so I can go for a walk or jog away from my house. The sense of fear, of never being safe is no longer there. Those emotions no longer hold me hostage in their grip. Sometimes I worry they will return to haunt my every waking moment. Most days I don’t think about it at all.
A stitch in my side twinges and I rub my side. Gotta get home it’s going to do more than mist in a bit. Walk, walk, keep walking you’re almost there. Moving forward as my brain fills with oxygenated blood. This wakes me up inside my own head filling it with so many words. Words I need to write down. Words I need to share with others.
Those words fill my head reminding me of moments of recognition. Seeing someone, remembering their face, listening to the reaction inside myself. Bad reactions and I know without remembering who they are, they are not good people.. They were not good to me in the past. Perhaps they walk up to me and act friendly but inside I know who they are. Even if I don’t remember their name.
Body instinct is something I count on. Always have. It’s what always kept me safe in the past. No matter if it made sense or not I listened, simply listened and trusted in my body instinct. Something some would call intuition. Maybe it is, maybe it is not. Whatever it is, this is what I know about it. It is always right. It knows the truth even when I don’t think it could possibly be the truth.
Some days this is all there is. This instinct which for some has gotten out of control and is on high alert every single day. Yet, when it does settle down, cycles out and becomes what it used to be? It can assist us to save our own lives if we’d merely listen for moment to what it has to say.