Night Steals In and Day Breaks

         The night steals in, silently on padded feet. The light of day has disappeared without my notice. I’ve worked for hours on end this day and when I looked up the day was done. Night has now begun.
        I used to dread the night. I would watch TV series on my tablet in my bed avoiding the call of sleep. I did this until eventually the call was silenced. Bundled up in blankets, earbuds in I was in a world of my own making each night. Hold out until the day began to break then, only then, was sleep allowed for a few moments. I’d wake from those singular moments with a scream in my throat, terrified knowing I’d let my family’s safety be at risk yet again by sleeping.
        Looking back at those times I can see how sick I had become. My hypervigilency was at an all time high to the point there was never any rest. So I did not rest. Those moments, sometimes they tickle me at the back of my mind reminding me they are still there. All it would take to get back to this place would be to allow them back in.
         Each evening I stand firm in my schedule to prepare for bed. To go to sleep at last. I prepare to get through the night and be okay with sleeping. Let go and simply sleep the night away. I still dream of a long weekend alone in a decent hotel room in a bed alone sleeping the weekend away. This would be my ridiculous fantasy weekend. One which always makes others laugh when I chose to share with them.
        The morning breaks and I stretch as I wake up. I smile to myself as I realize I made it through another night of sleep.
        What a blessing my life has become. 


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