PTSD Poetry Project: Unfeeling Psychopath

From: Personal Journal Entry: 06 16 2015 Tuesday
After an emergency room trip which resulted in the next day discovering there was a natural gas leak. A technician confirmed it was a low level leak which had suddenly worsened and had become a severe leak.
——————

The Unfeeling Psychopath

Natural gas, softly leaking for months, years…

Inhaled each day, each night, each morning whilst I was unaware

My brain inside my head feeling as if it was twisting

No one listened

No one cared

The fall …body thrown forward two yards

Body twisting, turning, neck curling to protect my head

So slow, so very slow, I was not fast enough

My head slammed against the door frame 

Then nothing

My child, my son, an adult, tears, hands shaking uncertain what to do

LIfe slowed down to a stand still from this day forward

Until the moment I smelled the scent and made the call

Verified, no doubt

Softly, leaking unseen until we no longer smelled it’s scent

Windows open for days on end

Healing… retarded 

Healing.. non existent

Emotion was gone

Colors faded from sight unnoticed until I began to see them again

Emotion, confusing began to flow back in

No more unfeeling 

Emotions out of reach began to tickle my brain

Teasing me with their presence

Emotions just out of reach

Anger, upset, happiness, joy

Body feeling returned full force

Joy in colors, joy in the day

Sadness in pictures of people long gone

A balance tipped back into the sweet spot of feeling

Healing,

Seeing it all through joy.

I am me again

No longer an unfeeling psychopath

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