PTSD/TBI Poetry Project Blog Post. A project to write poetry for every blog post since 2013.
Slow, insidious, nearly unnoticeable
You slip in with flattery, convincing me we have so many things in common,
After you sense compliance the barbs begin
Teeny bites, whose sting is slight they continue on until I take no more notice
Until the day they overwhelmed me.
Then, only then I could no longer ignore your barbs.
Then I began to fight back.
Secretly, softly I began to prepare for the big fight
I entered the ring as a shadow in the corner, unnoticed
Until you finally saw I would no longer stay silent about
You wanted my validation, my attention
Push push push you pushed so hard convinced this was the way
You tried to convince me YOU are in the right
I must acknowledge you
I must be convinced YOU are right to abuse me to this place
I do not have to do what you want me to do
No sorry from me
No apologies for fighting back
No apology for standing up to you
I am not sorry for fighting back
I am not sorry for fighting for ME
Post originally published 7/25/2015
This is something rather sly. It starts out so slow and is so insidious. When it takes hold it’s almost unnoticeable unless you’re really on guard to begin with. Perhaps it starts out as flattery, or commonality to slide on into your life. After there is some sense of being compliant there then begins the small snide remarks meant to stick hot barbs in your side. They may, at first be small barbs. Ones whose sting is slight. They continue until you become numb to their sting until it’s overwhelming.
Intimidation is a hard one to ignore in the end as at some point there is a moment where the person being intimidated can no longer disassociate away from it. No longer will it be ignored, no longer will it be accommodated. This is the time and place where fighting back begins.
Funnily enough in order to fight back the intimidation is allowed to continue whilst all the while training to be ready to fight hard when it’s time. Slowly, surely the training begins and becomes part of a new way of life. The barbs come and every so often they are deflected. Just as slow and insidious as it begins so does the deflection until one day the intimidator begins to notice.
This is the day the fight truly begins in earnest.
The intimidation factor comes from a place of anger, hate and someone’s frustration at not being able to control another person. So they start small, they push hard and will not let up. The inner part of themselves know what they are doing is wrong and yet they cannot stop. They want validation by the person they are intimidating and are convinced if they push harder they are in the right, they have to acknowledge them. They have to.
No. I really don’t.
No sorry’s will come from me. So apologies for fighting back to stop intimidation in it’s tracks. None at all.