“It will get better, it will get easier”
Those phrases used to really piss me off. My inner response was always “yeah, like THAT will every happen!” But reality does step in, it does gets better, slowly but surely it has, it does. I have all the tools in place to deal with the tough stuff which comes but still I have triggered moments. These are no longer days and that is the key. I’m in control of my own life and you know what? I always was, it just felt like it was out of my control.
This week, this week is a challenge. Halloween night is the anniversary date of suicide. As most who’ve followed this blog have read before this was the man I’d been seeing over a decade ago. I’d known this date was coming, upped my therapy appointments to better prepare for this very triggering day. I dread phone calls on that night and the next day. Inevitably I get a phone call those two days which just sets it all off again. But this year has been one of working hard in therapy, working hard through my writing to be able to get past these two days and the ones beyond them too.
Change the days into something happy to look forward to, don’t stay in and isolate. I’m not ready for handing out candy, but I may go to someone’s home to do this is what I had been planning. But then my daughter reminded me her boyfriend who is now part of our family has his birthday that day. Twenty One, the big date. So instead we’ve made plans to celebrate with them for a bit before they go out. My son, always the designated driver as he does not drink.
Celebrate the birth of someone amazing. Yep, that sounds like a plan to me!
Life does get better. I’ve gotten happier and am making strides in my own life towards a place of feeling joy in the moment of the day. Simple things make me happy and it is OK to be happy instead of sad this year. I no longer am obligated to grieve.